Sex & Shame

Most of this past weekend was spent working at the bricks and mortar adult boutique that I work in part-time. I’m used to people coming in the store and being shy and uncertain about what they are looking for. There are others though that are loud and brash.

Some know exactly what they want but are embarrassed about saying it out loud, or admitting they want to try a particular type of toy. Other times, they are complete newbies to adult toys, and it takes some time to find out what they want and/or need.

More often than not it is the older folks, maybe age 45 and older who are the most embarrassed. The college age customers, yes, even the women, are almost never shy. I’ve written about that before.

Personally I am surprised by that. One would think that older folks who are more established and more confident would have less sexual hangups or fear than younger,  less experienced people. That is most assuredly not the case.

In the past few work days two people really stood out to me. They were more apprehensive than most.

The first was a man who was waiting to pick up his takeout food from a nearby restaurant. At that location we get quite a few ‘lookers’ who come over while waiting for their order, or come in after eating their meal. Largely they are people who’ve never been in a sex toy store and are curious. Sometimes they laugh nervously and make fun of the items in the store. I’m used to it, but sometimes it does offend other customers who are in the store and seriously interested in the item(s) that the nervous looker was making fun of. I try to explain after the ‘looker’ leaves that it’s just nervousness and that if they better understood how and why certain toys are used they wouldn’t laugh at them.

Oops, I got off track there…so this man is one of those nervous types. He proceeds to tell me he doesn’t understand why people need these toys. Calmly I tell him that they are not for everyone. By that I mean, not everyone is interested in them and that’s okay. He then tells me he’s been married for 25 years and he and his wife have never needed nor used any sex toys. Ok, well that’s nice, I think to myself. Seems to me though, he’s just too uptight to use them and that he has no idea if they’d like them or not. With folks like this I do not evangelize to them. Rather I just say that there are people who like them and find them of great benefit.  For some that is an opening for them to ask more questions.  For others, not so much.

After a quick look around the store he left quickly

Truth be told, he and his wife could probably benefit from a few toys, but he seems like the type who would never be convinced of that. I’ve encountered many like him. In fact my own brother-in-law doesn’t even like when I mention the sex toy store. He gets all nervous and quickly changes the subject. I am never sure if it’s because he doesn’t want people to think he knows things about sex toys, or he’s just genuinely nervous about the topic.

Even one of my good male friends is the same way. He asks me a lot of questions about the toys in the store and when I explain how they are used he always says “Oh that’s gross.” Obviously he’s at least curious, but just afraid to let on how curious. Knowing him as I do I think it’s due to his very religious background. His wife wouldn’t even let their children read the Harry Potter books, because she thought they were Satanic.

I feel really bad for some of these people, they are so ashamed of their own sexuality, because they think that it goes against God.

Ummm, I always want to say to them but God gave you a body and sexual organs to enjoy, as well as  companies that make toys, how could it be bad? Of course it’s really not my place to say that, so I never do, I just think it in my head.

The other memorable customer from this past few days at work was a lady in her late 60s who came in because her husband was too shy, or so she said. He was waiting in the car and she had to ask the questions, and then she would send him pictures and information on her phone. She was so embarrassed to be in there. Several times she said that she thought she was going to hell because she was in a sex toy store and buying sex toys. She told us that she couldn’t stand being in there and when we asked “it’s not that bad is it?” she just stared at us. She told us she was never coming back because it was just too difficult and embarrassing. She mentioned Satan a couple of times and sinning.

After she left I commented to my coworker that I would like to meet the person(s) that shamed this woman into thinking that she was being bad by being a sexual person. There nothing wrong with being sexual, that’s how people are made. Or at least before modern medicine intervened.  I’m speaking of things like IVF.

I felt so bad for her. She is in her 60s and afraid of what God and others will think of her because she’s in a sex toy store. So glad that Handsome Hubby and I don’t feel that way.

I wanted to give her a hug and tell her it was perfectly fine to be there, and to want to get toys that were going to help her and her husband improve their sex life. Surely though, she would have recoiled at that idea.

Thankfully most of our customers are not feeling shameful like these that I’ve mentioned here. Most are genuinely curious and although sometimes it takes a while to get questions answered so we can help them get the right toy, they don’t seem like they feel guilty.

We, people in general, really need to stop shaming people for enjoying the body that they were given. We only get one body, one chance to live in it, lets make sure that we enjoy it!

Thanks for reading my rambling…

Visit Countess Kassandra’s Erotique and learn more about my carefully curated collection of toys available for purchase!

I would love to hear your thoughts